


Holding On

by splendid_splendont



Series: Three of Hearts [3]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Sad Eddie, The Losers Club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splendid_splendont/pseuds/splendid_splendont
Summary: Eddie gets bad days out of nowhere. He doesn't cope well alone but his friends are more than willing to help if they can.





	Holding On

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration for this fic from Heavy by Linkin Park
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp00DMy3aVw

  
  
The problem with the sadness is that it comes all at once. Eddie spends one of his best days trampling all over Derry with his friends and wonderful boyfriends. At night, they linger on Bill’s front steps long past curfew just talking with no desire to separate.

 

And then it hits. Eddie wakes up in his own bed and the weight of the world is pressing down on his chest. The summer outside is hot and noisy but his bed feels too cold and too empty even with him in it. He rolls over and yanks the curtains closed to try and block out the world and curls into himself.

 

When his mother taps on his door, asking if everything is alright he lies. Eddie tells her he’s sick and accepts the loving comfort she offers. He slips the medication she brings into the trash bin next his bed when she isn’t looking. Eddie mentions that sleep would probably do him good and thankfully his mom is more than obliging. He finds himself tucked in like a child and somehow that only makes him feel worse.

 

Eddie rolls himself into a tight ball under the blankets and lies quiet and pliant against the pillow. Nothing helps or seems to make any sense. Everything in his brain is too much and he can’t focus one thought long enough to even determine what’s wrong. Eddie stares at the empty wall in front of him and wonders not for the first time if its normal to feel like everything is caving in on him.

 

* * *

It must be mid-afternoon. Eddie presumes this when the doorbell rings downstairs. It’s probably Stan or Mike sent to see what was taking Eddie so long. They had standing plans all summer long, to spend as much time as possible together before Beverly had to leave. He can imagine his mom giving them the same old speech of her constantly sick boy. _“I’m sorry boys. Eddie isn’t feeling well enough to come out today._ ”

 

The repetition will grow old, he’s sure. Eventually his friend will get tired of waiting on Eddie to get better. Even Bill and Richie will stop coming around just to listen to the same spiel. Eddie wipes his face when he notices the tears dripping and wonders when he started crying. He doesn’t move from his spot facing the wall for a long time.

 

His mom drifts in and out, offering him food and wringing her hands. She thinks Eddie should let her take him to the doctors but he brushes away the idea with a forced smile. He soothes her worrying by choking down half a sandwich before insisting he’s too tired to stay up longer. Eddie’s stomach churns with unwanted food. He wills the nausea to leave him alone but just like everything else in his life Eddie can’t control his own body.

 

A faint clink on the window pulls Eddie out of his own head. He can’t tell how much time has passed. What feels like hours was probably only minutes. Eddie stays put on his bed until the noise becomes a persistent annoyance.

 

When he slips over to the curtain pulling it open, the sun is still bright and too much. Eddie squints into his yard at the group. He pushes his window open at Richie’s insistence and the gang all gathers around it.

 

“Hey man, we tried the door but your mom said you’re sick.” Mike frowns. He looks Eddie over in a way that feels a bit too knowing. “Didn’t think she was serious.”

 

“You look like shit.” Beverly interjects. Her voice is kind though and offers him a soft smile.

 

“W-w-well go. I-if you’re r-really sick.” Bill is the closest to the window and there is so much care in his gaze that Eddie feels his heart squeeze painfully.

 

“Fuck that! Move!” Richie startles everyone by sticking his upper body through the open window. Eddie stumbles back and the gangly boy tumbles to the floor with a thump.

 

“Richie…” Eddie starts to complain. Richie shushes him with a finger to his own lips.

 

“We said we were all going to spend the summer together. So, get your asses in here.” Richie demands at their friends. Beverly is the first to move. She looks at the boys and gives in with a shrug.

 

“It’s not like we had anything else planned.” Ben clambers in next with help from Mike when his pocket gets caught on the windowsill. He grins at the others inside and Eddie can’t help the small grin he gives back.

 

“If you get me sick my dad’s going to kill me.” Stan grumbles. He is already halfway inside though. Mike is next and finally Bill. The taller boy hesitates, looking only to Eddie when he speaks.

 

“I-is this okay?” When he nods, just a tiny bob of his head Bill seems satisfied. He closes the window behind himself. The gang shuffles around in the room that is not quite large enough for seven kids. They end up on the floor with a pile of blankets that Stan commandeered from Eddie’s closet.

 

“Eds, come sit with us.” Richie whines from his spot in the circle of their friends. Eddie sighs and gives in because it’s easier to agree. He tries to squeeze in between Bill and Richie but finds himself tugged into Richie’s arms. “Perfect.” The boy crows happily when Eddie is sat in his lap and Bill smiles at him.

 

* * *

 

They are playing a game, or maybe multiple games. Eddie isn’t really paying attention but no one seems to mind. He drifts off to the murmur of voices quelling his own busy thoughts. He doesn’t notice the concern on Bill’s face or the unusual lack of jokes made at his expense from Richie.  
  
Eddie comes back to himself again much later. Its dark outside and the lamplight outside barely illuminates his bedroom. His breath catches at the sight of his friends. They are all still sprawled out on the floor, with the exception of Beverly and Mike who are cuddled up together on his bed. Eddie doesn’t notice the hand rubbing at his back right away.

 

When he does, its Bill’s familiar and understanding eyes that meet his own. Richie is snoring again Eddie’s thigh and has one of Eddie’s hands trapped in his own. He and Bill look to be the only ones awake and Eddie isn’t sure what that means.

 

He doesn’t understand why everyone is still here. Eddie thinks that surely, they could have done something more fun. They could have spent the day outside enjoying themselves and instead they camped out in his bedroom. He rolls over to face Bill and the question of why dies in his throat. Eddie can’t stop the hiccup of unwanted tears that flood him.

 

Bill doesn’t say anything. He pulls Eddie close and just lets him cry. When it feels like Eddie doesn’t have any more tears in him and looks up at Bill. There is a smile on his boyfriend’s face and Eddie’s mouth wobbles as he fights back more tears.

 

“I don’t understand. Why do you guys even bother?” Eddie whispers. He doesn’t mean it as a real question, but once he’s started he can’t stop himself. “You could do some much more without me and all of this. Why don’t you just forget about me?”

 

“Because we’re your friends.” Beverly’s voice is scratchy and sleep-addled. She peaks around Mike and looks owlish as the light catches her face.

 

“We care about you, obviously.” Stan speaks up from Eddie’s other side.

 

“Duh. You’re our Eddie spaghetti.” Richie adds and it’s ridiculous but Eddie smiles with his face still buried in the front of Bill’s shirt.  
  


“D-don’t worry. We-we’ve got you.”


End file.
